Sunday, March 31, 2013

Every Day

I miss you like crazy...

I miss our talks...

I miss your hugs...

I miss laughing so hard, we cry...

I miss calling you just because...

I miss your dinners...

I miss finding Bluebonnet stuff just for you...

I miss funnel cakes at the fair...

I miss patio talks...

I miss just you and your daughters hanging out...

I miss that you will never know Bella...

I miss that you can't see what an awesome young man Chris is becoming...

I miss that you aren't the one setting your Easter stuff out, I am...

I miss everything about you...

Its just not the same without you...

It was too soon...

6 years and it doesn't get any easier. 

I love you Momma,

Missy


Monday, March 25, 2013

GOOD GOSH ALMIGHTY...

Would you look at this....

 
This my friends is the cover to Mr. Strait's upcoming album.  Release date is 5/14.  You can bet your sweet ass I'll get me a copy!!  And you can bet that's all I'll be listening to as well! 
 
Ain't nothin' sweeter than a cowboy with a guitar....

Friday, March 22, 2013

Woo Hoo, Its Friday

Its Friday and I couldn't be more relieved...and happy.  This week has just been pure hell.

The one and only highlight was finding mom's ring.  It gave me hope but yesterday found me slammed with yet another freaking life obstacle.  I'm still struggling but I have received so much support from family and friends.  Two friends and one family member have really stepped up the support and kick me in my ass the last couple of days.  Reminding me and pointing out all the positives in my life and that I am in fact, not such a bad person at all.  I still think I need my ass kicked a little harder but as I have said many a times, I'm upright, I'm sober and my kids are taken care of.  I'm not in a corner mumbling to myself...yet!

Getting in some more family time Saturday...my Berger side this time.  My cousin Reesa is getting married here in a couple short weeks and my baby girl will be the flower girl (her first gig) in her wedding.  We are going to a shower Saturday so I'll get to see my Aunt and two cousins.  More girl time is always a good thing. 

Sunday I'm going to try my best to make it to Market Days but I also need to spend some time in our garden.  I promise I'll take some pictures to share with you.  Everything is coming up and as Christopher said, "you can really see everything now". 

Hope y'all have a great weekend!

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Remember

 
 
 
 
Amen.
 

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

I Thought It Was Just Me

Well I feel better knowing its not just me who feels this way...

A blog I read referenced this blog and post today. 

http://www.stevewiens.com/2013/03/12/to-parents-of-small-children-let-me-be-the-one-who-says-it-out-loud/

The same blog also referenced this one.  One of my girlfriends also sent this to me.  I can't help but agree on some of this.  Thank goodness my kids aren't into a whole big St. Patrick's Day celebration.  I think I might just go off on them if they did...

http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/2013/03/lets-bring-holidays-down-notch.html


Just wanted to share the love and knowledge with you as well.

Cheers!

The Ring

I found it.  The ring I thought I had lost forever.  The ring I thought I had rolled up in a paper towel and tossed away after drying my hands at work.  The ring I thought I had taken off and set down while I put lotion on my hands or had taken off to wash my hands after cooking in the kitchen.  I turned my house/my car/my office upside down several times over trying to find this ring.  I have cried many tears over losing this precious ring.

This ring...was my mother's.

 
My sister and I have several of momma's personal items.  This particular ring she wore a lot, right along with her wedding rings.  I loved this ring.  I had planned on checking into having it possibly sized down a bit but then I lost it.  I was devastated.  Sick.  I cried for a long time. 
 
Its hard to explain how I found it last night without actually showing you, but it had fallen behind a drawer in a jewelry box I have, that also happens to be mommas.  I had to take the drawers out last night to shake loose another ring that had fallen into a different spot.  When I pulled out this one drawer, there was the ring.  The tears were instantaneous.  I walked into Christopher's room bawling like a baby but grinning like a goon.  He knew they were happy tears.  I explained what had happened and showed him how I found the ring.  He was happy for me.  He knows how much momma's personal items mean to me.
 
I can't help but think this is momma's way of telling me things are going to start to turn around. That maybe, just maybe I'm going to find my way out of this fog I'm in, that I'm going to get my head above water and start swimming my way out instead of drowning.  She's given me hope, a lift, just when I thought I couldn't do it any longer.  That's how I'm going to look at this. 
 
Thank you momma for still looking out for me. 

Monday, March 18, 2013

Flowers

Its no secret that I love fresh flowers.  My dream of one day owning a flower shop got lost somewhere over the years.  I really don't know anything about arranging flowers but when you throw wildflowers in a vase, somehow they look just perfect.  My darling daughter has a love of flowers just like her mommy.  Every day this sweet girl will bring me flowers.  Some days she may only find one but its always for mommy.  I can now understand the joy my grandmother felt when us grandkids would pick every wildflower on the side of the road to bring to her.  Its a good thing.  Here is a sampling of what my love brought to me this past weekend...

 

My sweet flower picker.  She is going to make a great gardener when our flowers start blooming!


My girlfriend Jenn over at Pin This sent me a link to this website called veryjane (we call it the devil).  One of its specials Sunday was the wall vase you see below.  I think this would be perfect to hang in my kitchen for all the pretty flowers my girl brings me, don't you think?  By the time I went to order one, they were sold out.  Boo!  Probably a good thing actually.  Hasn't kept me from looking at Etsy to see what else I could find.  So many color/design options.  Too many for me to make a decision.  Maybe by the time the flowers start blooming in the garden I will have made a decision or maybe, if I'm lucky there will be some at the Market Days in town this weekend.  :)

I love the mason jar...   

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

My Garden...Finally!!

Yes!  I have a garden.  And I totally wouldn't have done it had my brother not brought it up again.  I had thought about digging up the ground for one but I knew I probably wouldn't do it.  Tony offered to come over Saturday and till it up and get it going.  I didn't say no.  My vision of course was much smaller but once Tony looked at the slope of the ground and where the sun comes in, the line of the trees, etc...he suggested a different area and slightly bigger version.  My response to him was, "go big or go home", at least that's what I'm always hearing with regard to several things :).  So we went bigger than my original vision and I am so very stinkin' excited.  We have squash, cucumbers, tomatoes, green beans and flowers.  Yes, you read that right...flowers!  You see, my Grandma Berger always had a garden, always.  In the early days, when they had livestock in the back forty, the garden was up front.  I loved that garden.  It was fenced in and most all of it was vegetables but there was a space she had up front close to the gate that was flowers.  Well I had to be like Grandma Berger!  So I have 3 rows of flowers....zinnias, snapdragons and sunflowers.  Eventually, I would love to fence in my garden to look the way Grandma's did.  That would be sweet.  Some day. 

I hope my garden does well.  It will be a learning process for me and the kids.  This is our first but we are ready to have some fun...some good therapy. 

Our First Garden!!

Up Close...me and the kids plus my nephew Brady :)

Trying to figure it all out...
 
Bella ready to plant her flower seeds :)

 Away she goes...doing such an awesome job
 
 
 
Planting our tomatoes 
 
Gotta put your head in it...
 
 
It was a great day.  One that I've needed for a long time.  I can't wait to share pictures of our garden's progress.  My little house...its starting to come together. :)
 
Y'all have a good one!
 
 


Friday, March 8, 2013

Giddy Up

Friday's inspiration...

 
Have a good one ya'll!


Thursday, March 7, 2013

Out Of The Mouths of Babes

Background...

Every Wednesday my family gathers for dinner, usually at my dad's house.  I had always wanted to start a weekly family dinner, even before my mom passed away but never did.  Once she was gone, I had an even bigger reason to start doing them, to make sure my daddy got at least one good home-cooked meal a week.  Dinners started at my house but when remodeling and construction and mess got in the way, it shifted to daddy's, and has pretty much stayed there.  With the exception of my older brother Bryan, we all live in town within a few miles of each other and I wanted us to stay close because sometimes life would take over and it would be weeks before we would get to see each other.  I didn't like that so I thought family dinner might help.  It did.  I'm pretty sure my family would agree when I say everyone looks forward to our dinners each week.  I know the kids do. 

So last night was no exception...it was taco night.  Nothing special about it but its a simple, quick dinner that we haven't had in a while so Tony and I decided that's what we would have this week.  Dinner was great, conversation was great, company was great...all was right in the world.  That is, until me and my children are getting ready to leave.  We cleaned up the kitchen, picked up toys, gathered all of our belongings, I pick up Bella and she says to me.......

B:  What's wrong with your tummy mommy?
M:  Nothing.
B:  Uh huh, its big cuz you got a baby in there!
M:  Um no honey, I can assure you there is no baby in there!
B:  But your tummy is big!  (poking at my stomach)
M:  Ok so I'm done eating...FOREVER!
B:   Its big mommy.

Point taken.  Serious diet under way.  Its not like my stomach is huge but its not flat either.  Sigh.  I have been talking about losing some weight.  If I hadn't been feeling so bad when I went to the doctor I probably would have thrown a fit or passed out one when they weighed me.  Have only seen that number 3 times in my life, and I was pregnant every time.

I've already scaled back my portions, although from the picture I posted on Instagram last night of my taco salad, you wouldn't have known that.  It was good...but I didn't finish all of it.  My eyes were bigger than my tummy.  Well...when I was fixing my plate, it was.  Apparently later, it was HUGE!!

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Overwhelmed

I need to talk, vent, scream, cry.  I am going to apologize up front for this post.  I will ramble I'm sure, and my thoughts will definitely be all over the place, so I do apologize.

I have been so overwhelmed lately.  Actually its been for a few months now.  I can't seem to get a grip on life and feel like I am failing miserably, drowning at times.  I feel like everything is hitting at once.  Continuously.  And it won't let up.  Being an adult at this moment sucks...A LOT.  I want to just roll up in a ball in a corner and not come out until everything is semi normal again.  But in order for that to happen I have to do something about it, right?  I just don't have it in me right now.  Everything is overwhelming right now...work, being a mommy, a homeowner, money, sick, anniversaries, the ex, family, projects, car, school, makeup work, grades, influences, bills, friends, well-being, necessities, etc.  I honestly think I could keep adding to the list. Its a constant battle in my head, especially when I lay down at night, the mind starts racing and I can't shut it off.  I worry so much.  All the time.  Its constant.  Am I doing the right thing?  Am I doing the wrong thing?  Am I being selfish?  Am I too hard on my kids or not hard enough?  Everyone is a critic and everyone has their own way of doing things. I don't like being judged and I seriously dislike people who make assumptions based on what they see because let me tell you, its a whole other story behind closed doors people. Things aren't always what they seem.  I just want one thing to go right or go as planned.  I want to be happy and content.  I'm tired of worrying but I don't know how to turn it off.  I now know how my mom felt.  Being a mommy is the best blessing but whew, there are days I seriously feel like I just wasn't cut out for it.   I also know I am not the only one.  What do you do when you feel like this?  Take a time out, take a break? What if those are not options for you?  Do you lock yourself in a closet and not come out when they kids are looking/screaming/crying for you?  Because I've thought about it.  I can't handle the crying.  I give in so easily--CAN YOU SAY SUCKER?!!!!?  Somebody please tell me the secret I am missing.  The secret that allows me to let everything roll off my shoulders...all the time, not just sometimes.  the one that says "fire away!, give me your best shot! or that's all you got? I can take more!"  I honestly don't know if I can take more.  I need a lightbulb, ah ha moment that makes me understand why I can't just have it easy for a while.  I just need a break. 

Thank you for listening....