Restructuring

Every aspect of my life is going through some restructuring.  I thought it only fitting to restructure my blog as well.  I'm tossing ideas around and looking at different blog designs.  I have a few ideas but nothing concrete.  As part of this restructure I am also contemplating changing the name of my blog so I thought I would ask you, my fans, for name ideas.  In order to do that I thought I would share some things about me you may or may not know.  Here is the biggest shocker of them all--I'm a country girl, always have been.  I love all things southern.  Country music is awesome and George Strait will always be the King.  I love to cook...Paula Deen is my inspiration in the kitchen right next to my Mom.  I love to decorate and get ideas for my home but I'm not always the best at it.  I have a rustic country/texan/tuscan taste--guess that's where my problem is huh?  I love the simple things in life and would absolutely love to have a vegetable and flower garden one day.  Daisies are my favorite flower.  I'm proud to a Texan.  My kids are my greatest achievement.  Red is my favorite color.  I love family gatherings, rainy days and lightening storms.  Fresh cut grass, the smell of a storm blowing in, the sound of rain in a cornfield in the distance, Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas morning with my kids and sitting outside on a perfect morning enjoying a cup of coffee.  I love to sit outside in the evenings just before dark, relax and take everything in.  I love to BBQ although I have no idea how to do it, but I'm a great hostess.  MilkDuds and Dr. Pepper on the rocks with a straw is a wonderful little pleasure.  Michaela Anne is my name...Missy is a nickname--I answer to both!  Have I left anything out?  Does this help you get any ideas or confuse the heck out of you?  I think I'm confused and I wrote this!  Its hard to put down everything you like.  I remember doing a list of 25 things about me on Facebook.  It took me a long time to do it because I wanted to be very honest and interesting.  Funny huh...me interesting.  Yeah I know I just laughed out loud too.  Let me know if you come up with anything or if you don't but found out something about me you didn't know before.

My Kids

I love watching my kids play together.  Bella's face lights up when her brother walks in the room and Chris's attention always goes straight to his sister whenever he's near her.  She follows him wherever he goes...and if his bedroom door is open, its a beeline to get in there with him.  One of their favorite things to do is for Chris to lay on the floor, tummy down, and let Bella crawl all over him.  A lot of times she is tapping him on his head, which she thinks is funny and he loves.  And to watch Chris make her laugh is precious.  Another favorite game is chase around the sofa.  Bella will laugh so hard trying to get around that sofa to catch her brother only for him to turn around and scare her when she comes around a corner.  This makes her laugh even harder.  These two kids have so much love for each other and it makes this Mommy so very happy inside.  My boy waited a long time to have a sibling to play with again and it makes his heart happy.  Its a beautiful thing to watch and listen to.  He is an awesome big brother and she adores every bit of him. I am blessed. 

Party Allstar Style

Yesterday for lunch we dined at the Allstar Sports Plex in Clute for Christopher's birthday party.  If you haven't been to Allstar for lunch or dinner, you really need to go.  They have the best pizza and calzones.  The chicken bacon ranch calzone is a must try and if you're really nice they'll make a pizza that way for you as well.  For the past few years Christopher has chosen this place to have his birthday party.  Its awesome.  For $150, you get 2 hours of fun for the kids along with 6 large pizzas of your choice and drinks for everyone, plus you don't have the mess to clean up at your house.  How great is that!  You also get the choice of the dodgeball arena or moonwalk jump zone with your party.  We have always rented the dodgeball arena for the kids to play in and they love it.   We didn't get any pictures of the kids playing in the arena but snapped a few of Chris opening his presents. 

Christopher decided he wanted a cookie cake for his birthday this year. I was going to attempt to make it but decided to have it done instead. My friend Lauren was going to make it but with everyone sick this week we had to scratch those plans. I ordered a cookie from the place in the mall and they did a wonderful job.  Here's the proud owner with his cookie...

We had a fun time at the party yesterday and leftovers for dinner so that was a bonus!  Thanks to Allstar for a great time once again...and for calling me to remind me that I forgot to pay my balance before I left!

Side Note:  I wanted to share Christopher's birthday invite I had made courtesy of Etsy. 

This particular invite is made to look like a ticket to a ball game.  I sent the designer the picture of Chris and party details and asked her if she could change the colors to match the Houston Astros since this is our favorite team. She obliged and above was the finished product.  She sends it to you in a 4x6 size, you have it printed and then cut them in half to get your ticket.  Too cool huh!  We thought so.

I Want A Tattoo

Yes, you read that right...I want a tattoo.  For 7 years now, I've wanted a tattoo of some kind in memory of my son Jace.   I don't want anything big, something small.  Without naming names and to protect the innocent (wink, wink), someone gave me a wonderful idea of putting something on my hip so that I could carry him with me always.  I love that idea.  But what to get?  Do I put something as simple as his name...or do I put his name with wings?  I wish there was a way I could incorporate his initials or name in the design of a butterfly. I've always been partial to butterflies when I think of tattoos.  I want to have my mind made up when I make the trip to get this done.  Online searches for tattoos suggest visiting a shop first, getting ideas, maybe even having someone draw it out and then go back.  That seems like a lot and may not be the best idea for someone like me who has a horrible time making decisions.  What about you?  Do you have any ideas for my tattoo?  Besides the ones where you tell me not to do it...my mind is most definitely made up about getting it!   

Stomach Bug

There is a nasty stomach bug going around and our house has it!  I think it started with Christopher a couple of weeks ago.  I actually think he had a different version of the stomach bug...one with high fever that kept him out of school for 3 days and then another day the following week. I was home yesterday morning not feeling well but after sleeping for a solid 3 hours, I felt like a new woman and went to work.  Today, I'm home with Isabella.  The one good thing about her being sick is she's not miserable sick, meaning she's not fussy and clinging to me.  She's soooo happy!  She's playing and laughing and having a great time.  Now...we just have to keep everything down and get those diapers solid!  I have to admit, its nice being home for a day and not working but at the same time I don't like that I've used a good chunk of my sick time and its only February.  Even if we get everything cleared up today, she will have to stay home again tomorrow because daycare requires them to be clear a good 24 hours before returning.  Keep your fingers crossed for this baby to get better and for the stomach to go away! 

Happy Birthday To Me

Yes, its true...yesterday was my 38th birthday.  It was a cold 38 degrees outside and rainy.  So for me, this is an extra special day because I love the cold weather and I love rainy weather.  Would much rather have been home in my jammies curled up on the couch but that's okay.  I wasn't going to blog about my birthday because that kind of seems weird to me but I wanted you all to know what fabulous family and friends I have in my life.  They all have been a great support group for me in the last couple months.  My day started with a 504 meeting at the school with Christopher's counselor and teachers to discuss how he's doing and if any of his modifications should be changed to prepare the paperwork for the TAKS testing in March.  We had a good meeting and he is moving along just fine.  Still needs the extra time and help but he is doing well.  I came to work after that to have breakfast tacos with some of my co-workers.  They were kind enough to wait on me and celebrate my special day.  My sweet friend Marilee took me to lunch and gave me lots of little goodies for my birthday including kitchen towels.  I know you may think that's silly or weird but I have a ktichen towel fettish.  Its strange I know but I'm of the opinion you can never have enough of them.  I think I get that from my Mom because she always had a big drawer full of them and we never ran out when we had gatherings at the house.  Later in the afternoon we had birthday cookie cake that my friend Lauren made for me.  If you'll recall, she is the same person who made Isabella's birthday cakes.  The cookie cake was yummilicious and we even had a few pieces left so I could take them home to share with Chris and Bella.  For dinner, the kids and I joined the rest of my family for dinner at Chili's.  I really wanted El Toro but the weather was just so nasty out that we didn't want to drive to Clute so we stayed in town.  I have lost count of the many birthday wishes I received via text message, on FB or email.  These wishes have meant so much to me, especially this year.  February is always a tough month for me but when I have all these awesome people in my life to help me through it and make my day special, it makes things a little easier.  I am truly, truly blessed to have all of you in my life.  Thank you all...love and hugs from me to you!

Happy 11th Birthday Christopher Michael

My oldest son arrived February 9, 1999 at 4:24 in the morning.  He took his sweet time getting here, making his entrance on his terms when he was doggone good and ready.  He is still that way.  He takes his time about everything.  I've never seen my boy get in a hurry to do anything...well maybe opening presents Christmas morning or hunting Easter eggs. I love that about him.  He teaches me to slow down and not rush so much.  Chris is such a sweet kid and has a heart the size of Texas.  He's very creative and a great thinker. He has a such a fun personality which is evident in these pictures... 

Okay, maybe not this one...but it was a cute picture of him patiently waiting for his Daddy to get up before opening all those presents sitting so close beside him.

But here's that personality coming out again...

This picture I came across while I was digging for the pictures I wanted to post.  I'm not sure why its in the folders with current pictures but I decided to show it to you anyway.  Its one of my most favorite pictures of him when he was little.  We were at an Astros game and he was being a little ham.  I could just eat him up!

This sweet boy is my first born and I can see why God chose him to be the eldest.  He is a great older brother who adores his siblings.  He's a great helper and fantastic entertainer.  His sister loves him to pieces which was evident last night when he got out of the shower.  She went straight to him.  They sat down on the couch and he put her to sleep.  He soon followed...

Happy Birthday my sweet boy!  Mommy loves you so very much!

February 8th

7 years ago on this day, Heaven received the sweetest little angel.  It was my son, Jace.  I can remember so much about this day.  The hard, desperate prayers to God begging him to heal my son, begging him not to take him.  I dread this day every year and often wonder if there will ever come a time when I won't dread it.  I miss Jace every day and think of him every day.  Our lives were forever changed by our son's passing.  For me, all innocence was destroyed and I learned the hard way to cherish each day like it was my last.  Don't wait to do anything, do it now. Soak in every moment before it passes or you'll miss it forever.  Tell your family everyday that you love them. The dishes can wait, the clean house can wait, laundry can wait...it all can wait for your kids and your family.  There were times that I put all the other stuff first and I regret that.  Just 5 more minutes I would say.  I regret not holding my son longer.  I regret putting him down to sleep  while I got all the other stuff done.  I thought I would have forever with him.  Little did I know that God had other plans for us.  I question the road God has sent us on since this day.  I can see the positive things that have come from Jace's death but it still doesn't make it any easier and sadly...I still don't understand why he had to leave us so soon.  If you take anything with you from this post, its to remember to live life to the fullest and share it with the ones you love the most, remembering to tell them everyday how much you love them.  Give your husband and kids an extra tight and long hug today.  Forget about cooking dinner tonight and order pizza, watch a movie together or play a game.  All of those things you need to get done will still be waiting for you tomorrow.

Birthday Party Fun

That's me and my birthday girl...in case you didn't know.  :)  Remember I told you we were having her party later in the month so her Daddy could be there.  It was a great day with lots and lots of people celebrating with us.  We had BBQ, a cake, cupcakes, ice cream, deviled eggs, homemade rolls, sausage appetizers...anything else?  Before we get started on what we did, here is another picture of Isabella in her tutu.  The tutu was made by a friend of her Daddy's when she couldn't even sit up by herself.  I thought it was perfect for her birthday outfit.

 

I did things a little different, backwards if you will.  The party was later in the day so we had cake and ice cream first, then presents and then we ate bbq.  My new friend Lauren Tielke made Bella's cake and cupcakes...

 

A shot from the top...

Everyone loved the cakes and she did a fabulous job.  Sure wish you could have tasted them because they were good!  I think you can see Bella agreed...

After a quick bath and outfit change, Bella was ready to open gifts.  She received many wonderful gifts and is set with toys, Spring outfits and accessories.  

After the gifts were opened, the BBQ was brought in, Grace was said and we all dug in for an awesome meal prepared by family.  I was so busy making sure everyone was taken care of inside that I never took pictures of my brothers freezing their hineys off in the cold (and wet) outside all day but I am thankful for them because they are awesome cooks and the bbq was great.  I did manage to snap this picture earlier in the day of my sister and her daughter Makenna getting the deviled eggs ready for us...

And here is picture of the Happy Birthday banner hanging and the gift table...

I borrowed this idea from Kelly's Korner.  With Lauren's help we made this sign to hang above my dough bowl (I talked about it here Canton Finds).  I used it to hold my party favors of little bags of SweetTarts and M & M's.

As you can see, I ended up not hanging it but I think it looked great as is...

Isabella got this oh-so-cute tutu from Jeff's cousin Stevan and his girlfriend Theresa.  Theresa later took these pictures of Bella in the tutu.  They are two of my favorite pictures from the day. 

  

As you can see, my girl had a great time!  My only regret of the day is that we did not get a picture of Jeff and I with Bella.  We were both going in many directions that day that we never stopped long enough to take that picture. 

I want to end this post with Miss Isabella's stats as of her 1-year check-up...

Weighing in at 22 lbs. 9 oz. and 30 1/4 inches long

Still not sleeping through the night, just root around a lot. 

Most of the time, you make it until morning before you want another bottle.

You LOVE Zesty Tomato Cheetos (they are Graduates Brand)

Banana Puffs are your fave, followed by Sweet Potato

You are now drinking from a sippy cup.  Mommy is working to get you off your bottle.

We were making progress with a sippy cup during the day, bottle only at night and in the morning but we've regressed some.

You adore your brother, follow him everywhere and love hanging out with him in his room.

You still love snuggling with your Mommy and Mommy loves it right back.

You are a chicken eating little girl.

A good eater all around really. 

Still love to dance when you hear music.

Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is your favorite show to watch.

Handy Manny is next followed by Imagination Movers.

You have 8 teeth...and cutting your molars!

I feel like there is so much more I am forgetting because you seem to be doing so much.  You've been walking since you were 10 1/2 months old.  You pick up on things so quickly these days.  You're waving bye-bye, still doing the gimme gimme with your hands when you want something or want someone to hold you.  You will say thank you and your welcome but you have to listen for it because its not real clear...but you know that's what you're saying.  Oh yes..."Uh-oh"...can't remember when you started that but you say it all the time...even when you intentionally throw something down.  Mommy loves you so stinkin' much and loves watching you grow and learn new things every day.  I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings my love.

Habits

How do you break habits? Habits that have been with you for a very long time...how do you quit doing them?  A habit like...calling or texting someone with every little silly thing that happens in your life, a thought that passes, an idiot on the road, an idiot at work, an idiot in the store, a car that you know he would love or just a simple hello.  A habit that maybe you didn't even realize you had until you now had to change it.  I find myself still wanting to tell Jeff about everything going on in my life and its something that I'm aware I did before but I guess not to the extent I thought?  Does that make sense? He was my "Go 2" person.  I miss having a Go 2 person.  He would always reply with something.  I could talk to him about anything.  I mean sure I have girlfriends and my sister that I do talk to but not like I talked to Jeff.  He got it all and then some.  I miss that and its hard to just break that habit.  I wish I knew the quick and easy fix for it.  Do you think they have a gum or patch for something like this?   

Firm Grip

Jeff and I have separated and he has asked me for a divorce.  There...I said it.  Some of you had figured it out, some of you, when told, said you were going in a completely different direction and some didn't even know this...and for that, I apologize.   

I started this blog as an online journal for myself, a way to be able to express myself without getting the hand cramps of trying to write everything down in the many journals I've tried to keep before, a place to document pictures of my family, a place to document the happenings of my life, good and bad.  Its great therapy for me, always has been.  And if somewhere along the line, I picked up a few readers that were interested in what lil ole me was thinking and had to say, then great.  I am sorry that my recent posts have not been happy, full of sunshine, all is merry in my world posts.  I'm having a difficult time and yes, some days are harder than others but regardless of what anyone says, I am dealing with it.  I should be able to come here and put my thoughts down and not have them twisted into something more or something that isn't true.  Yes, everyone is entitled to their opinion but when it directly affects me, then I get upset.  Yes, my husband has asked me for a divorce...what you don't know and understand is that up until that time, I thought I had a great life.  I thought he was deliriously happy as I was because he never said otherwise until December 13th.  So yes, I was blindsided.  Yes, I've been struggling.  Yes, I'm having to make decisions I've never had to make before.  Yes, I've been in pain.  18 years is a long time folks and I can't just let go of it right away--it means a great deal to me so yes, I think I'm entitled be upset and to hesitate.  Until you have walked in my shoes and you've had to go through what I am going through right now, I don't think you have a qualified opinion on the subject and you damn sure have no right to give advice on what you think I'm going to do based on what I put here.  My heart truly hurts by the ugly things people are saying about me.  I have a grip people...I have a firm grip.  Divorce brings out the nastiest people.  Jeff and I are not those kind of people.  We never have been....and we're not about to start now just because we aren't going to be married anymore.  We have two precious kids to continue to raise together and we are going to do it being friends and parents together.  For all the naysayers out there that think it can't be done, stay tuned...we will prove you wrong.